“a year and several months now have passed of not having a lover. like the absence of a lover friends have dwindled to nothing. from this period of time now I have found it strange and at times difficult to enjoy peoples company. not quite sure if having people in my life is positive for me or possibly destructive. at times I long to hangout with people but pursuing this feeling turns negative to the point of wanting to get away from everyone. I feel the happiest when I’m alone reading a book, drawing, riding my bicycle or just fixing something difficult. trying to find a happy medium is very difficult. eli”